Rockslide Slim Shoots From The Hip

Howdy!

Since I can't damn near spell my own name, i ain't got too much to jaw about.

I ain't been myself since my old hound dog ran away with my ex-wife.
Jus aint fare t'all. Gonna git me another one soon as I can.
Another hound dog, that is, not another ex-wife.
Got enuff of them.

Been down on the farm recovering from a tractor accident.
I knew I shoulda put regular gas in old Betsy instead of moonshine.
Wew! That tractor blowed up real good.

They found the steering wheel in a field over at Benny's ranch clear into the next county.
One a the wheels fell on the local schoolhouse and put a hole in the roof.
They tell me foks herd it miles away.
Course I don't remeber nothin' after the splosion cause I woke up hangin upside down from the big old apple tree that pappy planted.
Still hear that ringin in my ears even tho it was almost two years ago.
Doc Murphy says I just gotta get used to it and I should be thankful I didn't get blown to bits like my old tractor.

I guess my experimentin' days with moonshine is over.
The sheriff, he says i done gone loco.
I know i shoulda listened to my old buddy Elwood but then I been accussed of bein' mighty dumb sometimes...

Specially when i put my old lady's cat in a barrel and kep rolin it down the big hill over by Denny creek.
How was i sposed to knowe little Tigger wouldn't be right after that?
Heck, I thought cats always landed on their feet.
Guess he landed on his little head a few too many times inside that barrel 'cause he don't stand up very well no more, poor little guy.

Anyways, I gotta be goin on over to the saloon to meet Miss Betty.
I ain't seen her since last time I come round these parts.
I hope she's holdin up OK.

Can't say as i'd blame her if she gives me heck for bein such a drinkin and gamblin outlaw.
i left her last time down at the train station with nothin but an old plug of chew.
I told her she might be able to trade it for room and board somewhere, but i doubt she did.
Last thing I heard she was up to no good as usual.
Oh well, better git goin fore she takes off with the nearest truck driver she kin find.

Don't you worry none, my little bucket o grits, i'll be there soon as I can.
Got to fix my truck with some duck tape an bailin wire first.
Wish me luck!

Oh, an sum advice for ya - don't go taken no wooden nickels from no one.
Ya can't get nothin for em at the bar...